A minus

When I was in High School a teacher of mine said that the students who complained the most, or possibly cried weren't those that were failing, but the students who received an A-. I could completely understand why, not because I was one of those because hey I had never received an A-, just A's but I too would've been in there and possibly in tears. O.K. let's be honest I would've cried myself to sleep.

I did get an A- in High School for the first time my junior year in College Algebra. My teacher was excellent, and I got an A- because of a .10 of a point. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!! Actually I can it wasn't his fault, I didn't turn in a paper that my parents needed to sign at midterm. It was worth a few measly points that I didn't get and it costed me my 4.0 G.P.A. and the speaker for our Graduating Class. I didn't cry, I didn't need too because my entire class gave him the hardest time. If it wasn't for them I am sure I would've. Well, one day he pulled me aside and said I will change it for you. Maybe I am being a little harsh, but I want you to know that you will be able to do just fine in college. If you can do good in this class you will succeed. I told him,"leave it, I should've turned that paper in." So we left it.

Today I discovered I got that rotten minus sign next to one of my favorite letters of the alphabet "A". My first reaction, what,why, really, are you sure...I mean I got a 100% on the final in lab. My next reaction still disbelief with alot of frustration, definately I sent an email asking for what happened....I mean really how could this be. (**So I think we can all agree that that teacher long ago was correct. An A- can really upset the world.)

So I sat there thinking today I know I am not getting an A in Human Developement and I am pleased. I did the best I could with no help from my teacher, and well I am hoping for the best. I think I have a great chance for a B+, and I like the ring of that. But this Human Anatomy class I had heart and soul in this class. I spent tons of time studying, I learned a lot, and I LOVED IT!!!

In all my disbelief I stop for a moment and the thought came, "really you think that that A- wasn't good enough?" "really you thought you deserved more, better?" "How many nights did you look up at me, and say I am so tired I hope I did enough." "What more could you have wanted after spending your weekend in the hospital with your baby, telling me Father I have to be here not there with a book, this was all I could do for the test tomorrow please help." "Or the test you took with 103 Fever, with the chills, you could barely study and earlier that week your boys were sick so you were with them not your book" "Or how many hockey games did you go too, along with a trip to Zion because you needed family time."

The list continues...the blessing were endless...I remembered feeling after every single test a feeling of gratitude, the strengthn to get through school had to come from the Lords hand in all things. I have felt that I was lifted in ways I never imagined and I was blessed by family and friends along the way too.

So unlike my first A- in High School reminds me that I should've turned in that paper, little things really can make a difference. This A- reminds me that I shouldn't have done anything different during the semester. I should've stayed at the hospital, gotten up with my sick children, took them to the doctors all the time, read them stories, gone to their games, their practices, had a family trip, gone on drives, gone to the hockey game, and then studied.

I do thank my Heavenly Father, I was lifted up during several months of sickness, I was given strength amongst many challenges, and although I became sick too I was allowed the chance to not fall behind beyond repair. I was blessed by my family, friends, and neighbors (who are my friends too). These last few months in school felt like the impossible, and well the impossible was accomplished. SO THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO PARTICIPATED IN SUPPORTING ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS!

Take Time

My mind is spinning, twisting, and turning. I have had loads of thoughts over the past few months, and I have barely had a chance to write a single one down. So instead of snuggling into to bed I am going to take a second, and share a little something I read the other day.
This was posted on http://rowdystroudy.blogspot.com/ by Amy: (She lost her long awaited baby after only 2 hours of holding her, and I love what she teaches)

"Most mothers will never know the pain of losing their child. Most don’t want to even imagine it.

So don’t.

Don’t think about what you would do if you had to plan a funeral. Think about them here and now. Don’t think about what you’ll do when they’re just a little older. Don’t look ahead to when they’re “finally” potty-trained, independent, able to drive, or out of the house.
Just love them and show it. Mean it. Every single day of their lives.

Because you know what, Mom? They are your miracle."

These last couple of months I have pondered death, loss, and grief. I have been following a friends blog that recently lost her 20 month old, and I have wondered and tried to imagine if I could even cope with the unimaginable pain.

I have immersed myself in my babies. ALL OF THEM. I have stayed up late with them, had sleepless nights with each of them, snuggled all of them, taken a second glance at their sweet smiles, and I love them!!!

I learned something these last few months death isn't the only things that steals the moments from life, but time wasted does also. Although, with death there is no future for now here on earth with them. Time is not patient, it does not wait for you or I, it continues to pass, and we have a choice to use our time "wisely".

So as Amy taught me, "wisely" must mean don't sit around dreading the unimaginable pain, get up and soak in each little moment while we still can.